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the footsteps of your grandfather, your father and your brother. Her nostrils flared. How is this a
choice?
Those things are all true. It doesn t mean I didn t want to do it.
But when you were a soldier, you were part of a body, serving something larger than your desires. Why
now do you want to go your own way?
When I joined the army, they beat out all sense of me as a separate person. It was necessary to maintain
discipline and cohesion. But now that I can see my self again, I don t want to lose it. He shifted his left
leg. I ve made enough sacrifices for the so-called greater good.
And yet you re here. Because the others expect it of you?
No. It s for me. And You.
We re both here, She said softly. So what are you waiting for?
Filip frowned. It was a fair question. He hadn t come this far just to hide and sulk like a recalcitrant little
boy. It was time to be a man.
Nothing. He got to his feet. Now what?
Come and cleanse yourself.
They walked through the marshy grass to the center of the clearing, which was ringed with tall,
whispering pines.
Filip saw no fresh water. He turned to the Horse Spirit. Where do I
Shh. Her red eyelashes blinked slowly. Look again.
He turned back, and nearly fell over in surprise. A pool of glowing water rippled not five paces from
where he stood.
Get in.
Mesmerized by the tiny, bubbling waves, Filip took a step closer to the pool.
Horse snorted. Undress first.
Filip hesitated. No one except Zelia the Otter healer had seen him naked since his injury. At home with
Tereus he had undressed in the dark, as much to hide from himself as from the Swan.
But he was tired of being ashamed. If he couldn t reveal himself to his Spirit, he d never be able to show
Alanka, and their love would never be whole.
Filip peeled off his shirt, then undid his trousers. He sat on the ground to unstrap the prosthesis. It chafed
his knee and the stub of his calf as it came off, for it had been left on too long. Once he d retreated into
his mind two days ago, he hadn t thought to remove it.
When his clothing was off, Filip edged over to the pool and dipped his right leg.
A fiery jolt shot from his foot into his hip, and he cried out in agony.
Horse murmured something he couldn t hear, but Her tone filled with concern and surprise.
Is it supposed to hurt? he asked the Spirit, panting through gritted teeth.
When you submerge, the pain should stop.
He yanked his leg out of the water. Put my whole body in there? Do you think I m crazy?
The Bestowing requires a full commitment. Perhaps the water burns you because you re not yet one of
us.
If it s rejecting me, then throwing myself in seems like a stupid idea.
Horse took a step forward. Who s rejecting whom?
She was right. Halfway was too far, and not far enough. He launched himself face first into the pool.
The water sliced on impact. He pushed to the surface and drew his head out, expecting to see the pool
fill with his own blood. It was as clear as ever.
Then the pain stopped. The sudden cessation almost hurt worse than the agony itself. He drew in several
deep, rasping breaths. Within a few moments, however, he calmed himself. Wiping his eyes and nose,
Filip noticed that the water was caressing him, searching him, as if it had a life and hands of its own. He
submerged again.
He let his body sink, down, down. There seemed to be no end to this pool in any direction. He could
swim forever, but where? Maybe the Spirits were dangling before him one last chance to leave this
world. He searched for temptation within himself, and found none.
Filip broke the surface and gazed up at Horse. Her tail swished.
For a moment, She said, I thought you were going to disappear. Climb out now. It s time.
He clambered from the pool onto the grass, his skin humming. Time for what?
In the vision, as in his dreams, Filip ran. Not with two legs, not on horseback, but on four legs of his own,
over an endless prairie. The herd pressed around him, heaving and grunting, hooves slamming the ground
like thunder against clouds.
A few kicked and bucked and whinnied, but not Filip. He wanted only to run, to feel the solid earth
beneath his feet in a steady rhythm, to clutch this feeling of connection uninterrupted by falsehood, to
sense the speed.
He edged around the right side of the herd and broke for the lead. The wind gusted into his nostrils and
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