Family in Transition Ch 12

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the same life that they always lived, and they don t look really good. They look really
bad. In the end, Jen believes, Colin s birth has brought far more good into her life than
bad. I know 1 could have waited [to have a child], but in a way I think Colin s the best
thing that could have happened to me. . . . So I think I had my son for a purpose be-
cause I think Colin changed my life. He saved my life, really. My whole life revolves
around Colin!
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526 Part IV " Families in Society
PROMISES I CAN KEEP
There are unique themes in Jen s story most fathers are only one or two, not five years
older than the mothers of their children, and few fathers have as many glaring problems
as Rick but we heard most of these themes repeatedly in the stories of the 161 other
poor, single mothers we came to know. Notably, poor women do not reject marriage; they
revere it. Indeed, it is the conviction that marriage is forever that makes them think that
divorce is worse than having a baby outside of marriage. Their children, far from being
liabilities, provide crucial social-psychological resources a strong sense of purpose and
a profound source of intimacy. Jen and the other mothers we came to know are coming
of age in an America that is profoundly unequal where the gap between rich and poor
continues to grow. This economic reality has convinced them that they have little to lose
and, perhaps, something to gain by a seemingly ill-timed birth.
The lesson one draws from stories like Jen s is quite simple: Until poor young
women have more access to jobs that lead to financial independence until there is rea-
son to hope for the rewarding life pathways that their privileged peers pursue the poor
will continue to have children far sooner than most Americans think they should, while
still deferring marriage. Marital standards have risen for all Americans, and the poor want
the same things that everyone now wants out of marriage. The poor want to marry too,
but they insist on marrying well. This, in their view, is the only way to avoid an almost
certain divorce. Like Jen, they are simply not willing to make promises they are not sure
they can keep.
Recommended Resources
Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas. Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage
( University of California Press, 2005). An account of how low-income women make sense of their
choices about marriage and motherhood.
Christina Gibson, Kathryn Edin, and Sara McLanahan. High Hopes but Even Higher Expectations:
A Qualitative and Quantitative Analysis of the Marriage Plans of Unmarried Couples Who Are
New Parents. Working Paper 03-06-FF, Center for Research on Child Wellbeing, Princeton
University, 2004. Online at http://crcw.princeton.edu/workingpapers/ WP03-06-FF-Gibson.pdf.
The authors examine the rising expectations for marriage among unmarried parents.
Sharon Hays. Flat Broke with Children: Women in the Age of Welfare Reform (Oxford University Press,
2003). How welfare reform has affected the lives of poor moms.
Annette Lareau. Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life ( University of California Press, 2003).
A fascinating discussion of different childrearing strategies among low-income, working-class,
and middle-class parents.
Timothy J. Nelson, Susan Clampet-Lundquist, and Kathryn Edin. Fragile Fatherhood: How Low-
Income, Non-Custodial Fathers in Philadelphia Talk About Their Families. In The Handbook
of Father Involvement: Multidisciplinary Perspectives, ed. Catherine Tamis-LeMonda and Natasha
Cabrera ( Lawrence Earlbaum Associates, 2002). What poor, single men think about fatherhood.
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Chapter 12 " Trouble in the Family 527
READI NG 38
Domestic Violence: The Intersection
of Gender and Control
Michael P. Johnson
[F]or over thirty years there have been reputable social scientists who have been willing
to argue that women are as violent in intimate relationships as are men, and that domestic
violence has nothing to do with gender. Suzanne Steinmetz s controversial paper on the
battered husband syndrome started this line of argument with the following conclusion: [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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